


Agent Whiskey NSFW Alphabet

by dirty_holy_things



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: F/M, It's a NSFW alphabet so it's going to be filthy, NSFW Alphabet, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Sex, Sex Toys, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29572788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirty_holy_things/pseuds/dirty_holy_things
Summary: An absolutely filthy compilation of thoughts about the one and only Jack Daniels, aka Agent Whiskey. This was created in collaboration with Tumblr user emmikmil, as we share one brain cell and it's fixated on this man.
Relationships: Jack | Whiskey (Kingsman) & You, Jack | Whiskey (Kingsman)/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	Agent Whiskey NSFW Alphabet

**A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)**

Always a gentleman, his focus will be on taking care of you after you’re both finished and coming down after your multiple orgasms. Whiskey would spend several minutes laying next to you contentedly, giving you sweet kisses all over just basking in the afterglow. Eventually, he’d get up to get you a warm wash rag, a glass of water, and one of his shirts to wrap up in. He loves wrapping his exhausted and spent body around yours, limbs intertwined as you sigh contentedly against him; he’s also not opposed to showering with you sweet words and dirty praises as you fall asleep nestled into his broad and muscled chest. There’s nothing he loves more than feeling your pliant and pleasured body slip into sleep next to him, accompanied by his sweet kisses and eventually, snores of his own. 

**B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partners)**

Whiskey has always loved his hands and arms, the strength in them growing considerably over the years. Using his whip, lasso and guns had bulked out his biceps, leaving the veins in his hands and forearms to pop out even more distinctly. The built-up strength and callouses lent themselves well to his worship of your body, adding more stimulation and tension. Rough hands grasping at your hips, squeezing your breasts, slapping your ass, curling deep inside your cunt. It also never escaped his notice how you stared at his arms when he wore t-shirts or followed his hand as he swiped his thumb along his lip. He smirks to himself, knowing full well that you were thinking of his hands roaming all over your body.

His favorite body part of yours is hands down your ass. Just appreciating how you look in jeans, leggings, and tight skirts. It is a daily struggle to keep his hands off your ass, with some days being easier than others. Squeezes and pinches when you bend down to reach for something, slaps and smacks as you get dressed, are not uncommon. He truly appreciates every inch of your body, your gorgeous neck, and perfectly curved calves being a close contender to your ass. True to his core though, it’s ass all the way, and he couldn’t deny the truth. 

**C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)**

Whiskey loves to see his cum splattered all over you. Seeing it painting your thighs and stomach or dripping down your ass, that sight will almost always start to get him hard for you again. There is something territorial about it, marking you as his own that makes part of his chest tighten and bring a growl to build in his throat. He also loves to cum in your mouth, pumping your mouth so full of it that it spills out and dribbles down your chin. He will use his hand to open your mouth up to see his seed setting on your tongue and, with a grin, watch as you close your mouth and swallow. Your hum of contentment as it slides down your throat makes his cock twitch again and makes him eager to fill your mouth again and again.

**D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)**

For being a Statesman, Whiskey is not as great at sneaking around as he likes to think he is -- or at least not when it comes to you. He’d deny it if you ever confronted him about it, but there may have been a few times where after a passionate encounter, he’s discreetly pocketed your panties, thinking that you wouldn’t notice their absence. He prefers the delicate lacy ones, and sometimes the temptation and easy opportunity are just too irresistible. He’ll play dumb as you’re looking for them while getting dressed, and then spend the rest of the day thinking about how you’re going out and about without any underwear on, his cum dripping freely down your thighs. He also likes keeping something of yours close to him, and this just happens to bring back all sorts of debauched memories of you. He’s thoughtful enough to replace the ones that he steals, but after a few months of surprisingly light loads of laundry, you put together what’s going on. You let him keep his illusion of a dirty little secret, smiling to yourself discreetly when you coincidentally can’t find your panties once again. 

**E= Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)**

Whiskey knows exactly what he's doing. He was pretty wild in his younger years, toeing that fine edge of quantity over quality. Those years taught him how to just look at a woman, hear her moan, and know exactly what she needs. He doesn't sleep around much now, as he likes having that stable sense of domesticity and partnership. The ability to know someone inside and out, to learn every little whimper and sigh’s secret meaning, is his favorite thing. Once he knows your body he is aiming to please, continually, and prides himself on his intimate knowledge of you. 

**F= Favorite position (this goes without saying)**

Whiskey loves your body in all positions, but if he were pressed to make a choice, he would have to say reverse cowgirl; the irony and joke of it is never lost on either of you. You can’t bring yourself to deny him when he asks, his eyes always glazed over and sparkling. He loves to watch your ass bouncing up and down on his cock, loves to see you sit back while taking him fully inside of you. The position also lends itself to easy access for his hands to play with your ass, maybe some spanking if you get a bit bold or mouthy with him; and when he’s feeling generous, he can reach his large, calloused hands around your hips to trace pressured circles onto your clit. His only complaint is that he can’t see the gorgeous, tortured looks of pleasure on your face; but a conveniently-placed mirror resolved that problem with ease, and is now an additional visual bit of fun that the two of you love. 

**G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? Etc.)**

When Whiskey comes home to you after a particularly frustrating day of work, he is laser focused on one thing and one thing only -- and that’s fucking you into the mattress or the couch, or the kitchen table, whatever happens, to be the closest stable surface that he can pin you against. You’ve gotten good at recognizing  _ that _ look on his face and the way the frustration just rolls off of him in waves, and you can’t deny you love the thrill of knowing what comes next; he doesn’t pause to take his shoes off, doesn’t bother with a hello, because all he needs at that moment is to feel your body on his. He’s grunting as he pounds relentlessly into your cunt, taking out all of that built up tension on your willing and pliant body until that overflowing reservoir of tension leaves his body as he cums into you with a heady combination of a groan and a sigh of relief. But on those relaxed Saturday mornings in which you both get to lay in bed well past an acceptable hour, he’s all slow kisses and praise and inside jokes, loving to see the way your face lights up at his every touch, both soft and sinful. He loves the heat and passion of those frustrated post-work fucks, but the languid sensuality of being able to take his time with you and relax is something incredible in its own right. 

**H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)**

Cleanliness is next to godliness, or so the saying goes, and for Whiskey this extends to his grooming practices as well. He’s a grown man, not inclined to be hairless, however, he keeps the dark and wiry hair trimmed short. It’s a courteous gesture and habit that you appreciate, as it makes blowjobs more enjoyable for you; and he’s more than willing to take that extra step, to make that effort, if it means he’s more likely to get a surprise blowjob in the kitchen next to the coffee maker, or a sneaky one underneath his desk at work. 

**I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect)**

In the heat of the moment, Whiskey is not the most romantic in a conventional sense. He is down to business, focused exclusively on pleasuring you and chasing his high, loving the way the two of you get off on one another. Sex with Whiskey is full of his filthy and explicit praises as he is desperately groping your body, but he does always make sure that he can see your face as you orgasm -- he can never get enough of that sight. He loves watching you come undone for him, and he will pursue it relentlessly. It’s in the afterglow when his romantic side comes shining through; those precious moments after the high is filled with his sweet words whispered into your skin as he places reverent kisses all around your body.

**J = Jack off (masturbation headcanons)**

It gets the job done, but since meeting you it’s quickly taken a backseat in his life. When he’s away for extended periods of time he’ll retreat to a private place, images of you flooding his mind, while he tugs on his desperate and aching cock, imagining it’s your tight little pussy clenching around him. He’ll spit in his hand, trying to imitate the feeling of you, but he knows nothing can truly compare -- so he then tries for the next best thing. You’ve been surprised by several incoming FaceTime calls in which he’s begging for you, begging to see your body, to see you touch yourself, to see just how badly you’re missing him. Sometimes it’s slow, passionate touches while both of you lay in bed, separated by countless miles; and sometimes, it’s hot and filthy while you’re hidden away in mostly-private places, trying to keep quiet so nobody can hear the moans or the sounds of desperation. You both love to watch each other writhing in pleasure, but given the chance, you’d prefer to share those blissful moments and be directly responsible for each other’s orgasms. Hands just can’t compare to the magic of your bodies together. 

**K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)**

Whiskey’s never been a passive sort of man, and that inclination extends to the bedroom as well. He’s never been particularly interested in someone who just rolls over too easily, who submits to him without a little bit of push and pull. He could be described as a bit of a brat tamer, needing a partner with a bit of an attitude; someone whose submission he had to earn or coax out of them. Blatant submission is boring for Whiskey; he likes the challenge, likes the chase, likes putting you in your place when you mouth off to him, only to have you begging for him moments later. When you are squirming and begging for him, whimpering underneath his touch, having finally given into him despite your stubborn ways -- he showers you with praise, telling you how you’re going to be such a good girl for him, and then showing you just how sweetly he treats his good girl. 

**L = Location (favorite place to do the do)**

Whiskey isn't very picky about where he fucks you, though he does have a favorite spot. He loves the thrill of sneaking you into his office to fuck on his desk. Seeing you spread out amongst the paperwork, or hiding you when he has to talk to his colleagues, sends an electric sort of excitement coursing through him. He won’t fully come out and admit that he has a secretary fantasy, but you just smile and indulge him, knowing that during his next meeting he won’t be able to stop remembering the way your pussy dripped onto the sleek mahogany desk that his coworkers were now seated at. And he just can’t help the self-satisfied smirk that takes up residence on his face whenever someone comes into his office to meet with him, knowing the dirty secrets that desk could tell. 

**M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)**

Shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, but Whiskey likes someone that comes with a built-in attitude and fire that licks its way up your spine, just like his favorite liquor. Being a particularly bold and flirtatious man, he can’t deny that having someone who can engage in some verbal sparring and jabbing with him sets off a fiery feeling inside; if you can keep up with his barbed banter in public, he trusts that you can keep up with him in the bedroom as well. He also can’t deny that it’s impressive when someone knows their whiskey, knows how to taste it and appreciate it; he can’t help but extrapolate that to the bedroom, believing that you’ll know how to taste and appreciate him there as well. He likes a little bit of a challenge, a little bit of a spitfire, as it only makes the sex even more passionate and satisfying after an evening of pushing each other’s buttons. 

**N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)**

Whiskey only has two turn-offs in bed. The first is doing anything that could seriously hurt you -- knife and gun play are out of the question. He has no desire to leave any marks on you other than soft, scattered bruises left by his hands or his lips. Secondly, he has zero desire to be called daddy in bed. Outside of the bedroom, he may joke around at being your so-called “sugar daddy” for his habit of showering you with lavish gifts and attention, but it’s just that. He enjoys the spoiling and doting aspect of your relationship, but anything sexual with the daddy connotation is a big no from him.

**O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)**

Whiskey would happily waste a day buried between your thighs; he loves tasting you on his tongue, loves feeling you come undone on his mouth, and you’re convinced that at this point he knows your body’s needs and desires better than you do. He loves feeling the way your pussy clenches his fingers as he curls them inside of you, hitting that perfect spot every time; he loves the wetness that covers his mustache and chin, and he loves watching you writhe at his touch.

And yet for all of the joy and satisfaction that he can find between your legs, he can’t deny that he loves having your mouth on him at any given opportunity. He loves the sloppy sounds you make as you open your mouth up for him, letting him fuck into your throat, loves grabbing you roughly by your hair so he can control your pace and movements. 

His absolute favorite blowjob, however, was when the two of you were cruising through the Arizona deserts, windows down, roads empty — and you caught him by surprise when you palmed him through his denim before pulling out his cock and taking it into your mouth while exposed in broad daylight. He groaned and thrust up into you, and the steering wheel might’ve jerked just a  _ little _ to the side; and while his heart raced in excitement at this lewd, debauched experience you were offering him, he managed to keep some degree of focus on the road and keeping you alive. That was, however, until he abruptly pulled over and hauled you out of your seat to fuck you across the hood of the car. 

**P = Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)**

Whiskey’s pace varies depending on the day and the mood. For the most part, sex is hurried and desperate. It’s more of both your busy schedules combining with needing a quick release of pent-up life frustration. Whiskey is not necessarily hard and rough every time, he’s just determined. Determined to please you, let your worries fade in a haze of moans and brain-numbing orgasms. The times when you have weekends together, or when he whisks you away on vacation, that is when he finally takes his time with you. No need to rush like you so often do before and after work; he can lay you out, take his time and woo you with the romance and slow sensual sex.

**Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickie, how often, etc.)**

While Whiskey likes to be able to take his time with you, he’s never one to say no to a quickie if the opportunity should arise; he’s obsessed with feeling your body against his and will take advantage of any minute of privacy you can get. He’s been known to pull you into bar bathrooms, lifting you up to sit on the freezing tile of the sink, quickly whipping your underwear off and undoing his belt buckle, before pushing his rock hard length into you and thrusting desperately into your body while you whimper underneath him. You’ve also been late to work on more than one occasion, with Whiskey to blame; but of course, you could never tell your boss that. Explaining that you were late because you  _ apparently _ just looked too good while bent over by the fridge, reaching for your coffee creamer, wouldn’t be something to share with your supervisor. Especially not the part where Whiskey then bent you over the kitchen countertop, whispering into your ear that “You can be ten minutes late, just this one time, sweetheart,” while pushing your sleep pants down your thighs so he can slide into you slowly. 

**R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)**

Whiskey is always down to try something new, but at this point in his life, he's tried practically every position imaginable. However, if there is something new you'd want to try or a toy you'd want to use, he would gleefully accept. One risk he loves more than anything is semi-public sex; not necessarily wanting to get caught, but the thrill of that possibility gets him going like nothing else. Fingering you underneath the table during a fancy dinner and car sex are frequent occurrences. One time he bent you over the bathroom counter at a friend's house, his hand clamped over your mouth, whispering in your ear how the door was unlocked and anyone could come in and see you getting wrecked by him.

**S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)**

The matter of stamina is more often a matter of time rather than Whiskey’s own physical capabilities. Being a Statesman, his schedule is hectic, hurried, and often changing; this doesn’t always lend itself to the slow, drawn out, languid and passionate sessions you both love. Rather than go without, he’ll take the opportunity for a quickie just to take the edge off for the two of you. When he does have the opportunity to spend a day in bed with you he’ll keep up with you for a surprising amount of time. For all your gentle ribbing about his age, he’s more than capable of completely exhausting you, gleefully coaxing you through orgasm after orgasm, until you’re dripping and nearly crying from the overstimulation, your body left twitching and shaking from the mind-numbing bliss he’s brought you. Whiskey himself can typically cum about two, maximum three times with you, but can last quite a while between rounds -- at least, that is until you’re whimpering underneath him, pussy clenching around him with a vice grip, begging him to fill you with his cum -- and he’s not inclined to deny you anything when you ask him  _ so _ nicely. 

**T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)**

Whiskey doesn't own very many "toys," if you can even call them that. He does own some handcuffs and a blindfold. He's also not opposed to bringing his whip into the bedroom when requested. If you came into the relationship with toys he would be very interested in using them on you, or even watching you use them during some solo play. The interest in toys began to grow when he had to be away from you for an extended period of time; and while he may not be there to bring you to that high, he loved to watch you get yourself off. He had even been so intrigued as to suggest acquiring a few more, and you jumped at this offer to spend an afternoon giggling like teenagers while perusing a sex shop. On days when you both were feeling a bit experimental, Whiskey would love to watch you use your vibrator or dildo while he watches and strokes his cock. He would get frustrated easily, however, and quickly throw the toys aside to get his hands on you. As much fun as toys can be, he would rather use his body to get you off. 

**U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)**

When you’re out and about with Whiskey, be it at a fancy work event or even just the grocery store, he can’t help but take every available opportunity to tease. He still manages to surprise you when he comes up behind you to pinch your ass, even though he must’ve done it a thousand times by now. You’re no stranger to his gun-calloused hand creeping up the hem of your dress underneath the table, before slipping underneath to drag his finger along the seam of your underwear, just close enough to make you squirm but not enough to give you the contact you were wet and aching for. He would whisper all of his filthy intentions to you when he managed to catch a private elevator ride with you, his hands ghosting across your body before the door opened and revealed your breathless and desperate face to the crowd of strangers waiting impatiently for you to step out of the elevator. 

However, as much as he loved teasing you in public, his priorities shifted when you were in the bedroom, or whatever space happened to offer the barest minimum of privacy needed. As soon as he had the opportunity to feel your body against his, to chase that high of pleasure with you, he was all business -- whiskey business, that is. 

**V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)**

Whiskey is extremely vocal in bed and is not ashamed to show it. He knows it's a turn on for you to hear his grunts and moans, and he will gladly perform for you. Deep grunts when you palm his cock through his pants and slide to your knees in front of him. Moans and cut-off curses when he finally sinks into you, your body hot and pulsing underneath him. Heavy breathing into your neck and whimpering as he comes undone either inside of you or all over your stomach. This all fails in comparison, however, as the man is a talker and a nasty, filthy one at that. Any and all noises he makes are quickly cut off with explicit praises -- or taunts, just to fuel your frustration and enthusiasm for him. Promises of what he’ll do to you, how he’s going to fuck you so you can’t walk the next day. Praising how beautiful you look taking his cock and how your body jerks with every slam of his hips into yours. You love every minute of it, even if it is tempting sometimes to throw him a ball gag to watch him squirm, unable to make his usual noises.

**W = Wildcard (a random, headcanon for the character)**

Whiskey doesn’t do this often, and he doesn’t love to admit it, but he truly enjoys being at your mercy. He is a dominant man, especially in the bedroom, but sometimes he is just tired. The long hours working and weeks of travel break down his barriers and he damn near begs you to take the reigns, which you are all to eager to do. Pampering him with a full body massage first is a must. Making sure to work out the knots in his muscles, releasing all his tension until he is warm and pliant beneath your talented fingers. Once he’s warmed up it’s time for some sweet torture, either tying his arms with his whip or using his padded handcuffs to the bed. Slow kisses, lingering touches, and teasing remarks from you will have him whimpering and begging for more in a matter of minutes. As much as Whiskey whines, asking you to hurry or making tantalizing promises if you just  _ let his hands free dammit _ , he enjoys and laps up every moment you spend teasing and doting on him.

**X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)**

Whiskey may be a smart-mouthed, cocky man, but he is able to back up every ounce of confidence inch for inch. He’s not one to publicly brag or try and show off, but the first time you got his pants down (no underwear, you noticed) your mouth might’ve dropped open just a bit as you took in the sight of him. He stood erect in front of you, a satisfied grin plastered onto his face while you drank in the sight of him. He’s a shower, but that didn’t surprise you much as you had seen the way his jeans fit him; he was easily 6.5 to 7 inches, but more impressive than the length was the girth. He was thick and throbbing, and when he fucked into you, you felt the veins dragging against your sensitive walls as he stretched you in the most perfect way. 

**Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)**

Whiskey has a pretty high sex drive, even more so when he’s in a relationship. He is not much of a one-night stand kind of man anymore, preferring consistency and learning a woman’s body and unique pleasures. As a younger man, he absolutely preferred the one-night stand, taking home any woman that expressed interest and challenging himself to find their soft spots and preferences; but now he needs a physical and mental connection, preferring his hand to a random woman when he’s single. When you’re dating Whiskey, expect sex around four times a week; but that doesn’t include when he just gets you off. He loves to get you off in the mornings before the two of you depart for work, just so he can smell the lingering scent of your pussy on his fingers as he works throughout the day, a pleasant reminder of what he’ll be coming home to.

**Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)**

In true gentleman fashion, Whiskey will make sure you’re okay and well taken care of. First chance he gets to lie down and have you cuddled into his side, he is out like a light. His soft snores and your quiet giggles are all that will fill the room. You rib him occasionally about his old age, but with the long hours working, random trips abroad and fucking you into the mattress he’s worn out and you can’t hold it against him. You don’t mind watching his relaxed form curling into you, fingers splayed out across your warm skin as he snores lightly against you; and when he falls asleep before you, that means you get control over the TV remote. You’ll let him get the rest he deserves and needs, but rarely allows himself, intending to save the pillow talk for the morning after.

**Author's Note:**

> Connect with me on Tumblr at dirty-holy-things and my lovely co-author on Tumblr at emmikmil!


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